I don't even know where to start...I'm not even sure when the last time I was truly happy was. I guess you can never really know just how much a person can hurt you until they do. And the worst part is when you aren't expecting them to ever hurt you, so it hurts that much more. I've been betrayed by everyone in my life now. Some of the relationships have been mended. Some haven't. And some are working on it.

I've already said how I've lost just about every friend I had. Then I mentioned it was only a matter of time for the one friend that hadn't betrayed me...Well, she hasn't really ever had a boyfriend in her life. So when she finally gets one...Well, we didn't talk for two and a half months. She was always too busy with him. A little side note on this guy of hers. I met him once. I said two sentences to him. One of them about we'll be hanging out more often because she's my best friend. You know, a nice meeting. Well, come to find out a day later, he hates me. Apparently he had been talking to her mom and she told him all the lies she could think of about me. You see, my roommates went over there and told her all these lies about me and then she told him and so he hates me. Instead of seeing for himself, he believed her. In the past four months, I've hung out with her twice. Talked to her three times. She came to my birthday party last night and said that we should hang out more. I just don't see that happening. And it's not like I'm secretly upset with her. We've talked about it. She admitted to feeling bad because that's exactly how it happened.

Then there's Chris, my "husband". I'm not going to beat around the bush on this one. To put it bluntly, he cheated on me and had a romantic relationship with this girl for about a month. I'm not upset about the sex. In my eyes, sex is just sex and it'll happen. The relationship where they were talking about how they weren't sure if they could leave their significant others for the other. Plus, all the lies. I hate lying above all else. The way I found out was pretty shitty. Chris asked me if he could go to the movies with Josh and hang out with him afterward while I was at work. I said sure. Well, after eight hours of work, he still wasn't home. So I gave him another hour. Finally I went to the computer to see if he called. His MySpace was left up with a message from her. Long story short, the last message I read before I stormed out of the house was her asking "How does it feel when you kiss me?"

I thought I took it pretty well. I stopped at a gas station before getting to her house and told my brother let's just go home and wait for him there. Well, when my brother got in the driver's seat, he went straight to her house. I was surprised at how calm I was. I didn't hit anyone. I didn't yell at anyone. I didn't even say anything to her. I just talked to Chris because he's the only one I care about. He was upset. Unlike every other cheating bastard out there, he didn't get mad at me. He was just mad at himself. He promised to fix it. I thought I had been hurt before...I have never been hurt like this. I'm not naieve enough to believe that everything will just be okay. I know things will be rocky. The thing is, I was mad until I saw him. I love him so much, that I couldn't even be mad at him. I had to TRY to be a bitch to him. How pathetic is that? It's been two weeks since I've found out. I just don't know if I can ever trust him again. I'm being friendly with her and him. I'm trying so hard to fix everything. I just don't know if it can be fixed.

Then to add injury to insult, this guy named Todd that I met once who is a friend of Tiffany's (the girl Chris had relations with) messages me on Facebook and completely flips out on me. Apparently someone told him that I didn't like him or his girlfriend. I thought he and his girlfriend were nice. So, someone told him that I said some pretty ugly things about him -ahem-Tiffany-ahem- and he sends me this hate filled message and says the cruelest things to me. I don't understand why people believe gossip. I hate it. So I ignored his message. Whatever.

But is there any hope? I've forgiven him, but I'll never forget. Never. Will I ever trust him again? And will he do it again even though he says he could never hurt me like this again? I don't know what to believe. Everytime I see him, I love him and I want nothing but him...But when I'm alone, I think of everything. Of the lies. Of our sham of a marriage. Of what the hell went wrong. What is so wrong about me? What is it about me that drives every guy I have a relationship with to cheat? Am I such a bad person? Is it because I'm overweight? Is it because I worry sometimes? Is it because I'm way too mature for my age? Is it just the possibility that I just don't know what fun is anymore?

This past year has been the worst. We lost our jobs. We got evicted. We were homeless. We had to move in with people we didn't like. We have to take care of my father and brother. We lost our car. I was treated like shit after taking care of someone's kids for a month. I walked to work everyday. We bought a shitty car. I lose Robbie to his girlfriend. I lose Monica to her boyfriend. My mom canceled Thanksgiving. I got yelled at on Thanksgiving for being late because I had to work. My husband has a relationship behind my back. Why hasn't anything gone right?

I'm trying to be happy, but I just don't know what the point is. I don't really have anything anymore. I'm alive, yes. But if there isn't anything good in your life at that moment, why would I be happy about being alive? Life seems pointless in this day and age.

On a lighter note, I'm kind of excited to go to DisneyWorld, but I'm going with my husband and his family. I love his family, but him cheating on me will be in the back of my head. I just hope I can forget about it enough to have fun while I'm there.

So, I've been wanting to write this for a couple months, but I never really had the time. But I do now...

Receiving Customer Service.

When you're going through the checkout, calling the support line, or having something done for you, there are some general rules that you should follow to be a decent human being.

1. Never talk on your cell phone.
-If you go through a checkout while constantly gabbing away on your cell phone, the cashier feels uncomfortable or even upset. This is EXTREMELY rude. They have to give you their full attention, but you can't give them yours? How can we be expected to give great customer service if talking and asking questions is 99% of the job? If it's an important call, tell them to hold on when it's your turn in line. Set the phone down and don't pick it back up until the cashier says "Have a nice day."

2. Talk to the cashier.
-If the cashier says "Hello," don't you think it would be nice if you said "Hello," back? How are you? Is it that hard to say "I'm good, you?" This goes a long way with the cashier because they're stuck there, so why not have a pleasant time?

3. The cashier is not your slave.
-Don't tell them what to do. Even if it's something as simple as "Put the receipt in the bag." Ask them, "Could you put the receipt in the bag?" This makes the cashier like they're doing something nice for you. Asking instead of telling is the way to go.

4. Never say, "If you don't mind."
-Seriously, we do mind. This feels like you're calling us out and we have to put on a smile while thinking, "Yes, yes I do mind. Now hurry up and leave." Sometimes the thoughts aren't so kind.

5. If you are using foodstamps/EBT, make SURE you are not being rude.
-Seriously, we basically paid for your food. We are working and the government is taking money from us and some of it is going to you. We would like free money for our food.

Sidenote - Using Foodstamps/EBT is not a bad thing if you use it right. Right = buying bread, milk, cheese, drinks and the like for you and your children. Wrong = buying energy drinks, name brand anything, chips. We understand that sometimes chips are for the kids and there are circumstances. But seriously, we can't afford energy drinks with our hard earned money, why should you get it for free?

6. Do NOT place your money on the counter.
-This is extremely rude! Especially if you're giving them change. It's easy for you to lay the money down, but the cashier has to pick it all up. They're going to hand you your change and receipt, why can't you show the same courtesy?

7. Don't throw things on the counter.
-Need I say more?

8. Don't put stuff where it doesn't belong.
-Give it to the cashiers so they don't have to wander around the store looking for everything you misplaced. It's a lot easier for us to put it back when we know where it is.

9. Talking in a different language is a big no no.
-This leaves the cashier out of the loop and it makes them feel really uncomfortable.

10. The customer comes first, but is not always right.
-Usually, they're never right.

11. Say thank you.
-You wouldn't get what you wanted if they weren't there.

Giving Customer Service

Yes, customers can be a pain, but sometimes, it might just be because you're a pain.

1. GREET THE CUSTOMER
-Don't leave this up to them. It makes them feel awkward. You should greet them. It's called doing your job.

2. Make small talk.
-Tell them you like their shirt if you like it. See an adult playing with a toy? Tell them they're having way too much fun with it. Laugh, smile, joke, and just be nice.

3. Laugh at their stupid jokes.
-Yes, I know you've heard their jokes ten thousand times, but laugh anyway. This makes them feel good and if you're laughing, you may just start to enjoy yourself.

4. Be nice, no matter what.
-Even if that last guy was a complete jerk, greet the next customer with a smile. Usually, they'll notice how much of a jerk he was and say something. You never know, that next customer could be the one that brightens your day. Also, be nice to the jerk. Nothing pisses them off more than your smiling face after they were just rude.

5. Report abusive customers.
-If you have a problem with a customer, report it to your manager. I'm a manager at my store and I have no problems dealing with irate customers. If the customer continues to be rude, I'll ask them to come back when we're more able to serve them. I do not tolerate customers being abusive to my cashiers.

6. Don't bring home problems to work.
-Nobody wants to listen to you complain. Get your shit together and do what you're paid to do.

7. Respect your coworkers.
-Nobody wants to be disrespected. And if a manager asks you to do something, just do it. Don't talk back.

8. Say thank you.
-They just spent money so you can make money.


A lot of people are not brought up to be respectful these days and may not even know that what they're doing is wrong. Is there anything else that should be included in this?